Dating Violence is becoming a major problem, so many people hear more and more about it every day. According to Christa Miller, staff writer for Officer.com, 26% of all youth in a relationship reported being the victim of cyberbullying, by either their partner or people they know. Miller also said that one of the people in the relationship is usually pushed by the other to get them what they want, which is commonly inappropriate photos. Miller found that when the “bully” does not get their way, they threaten to abuse, ignore, and spread rumors about the other person. 26% of people in a relationship that reported cyberbullying, also reported being physically abused by their boyfriend or girlfriend.

(Miller).

 

Those mistreatments include date rape and assault, commonly caused by jealousy, anger, aggression, and manipulation, according to lead author of “Teen Safety,” Ann Weber (Weber). Dating causes many problems in teens lives along with abuse like losing friends, and getting a reputation that they might not agree with. This can lead to bad situations that may have serious risks.

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Sometimes, dating creates dangerously threatening issues. Researcher Pamela Orpinas, professor at the University of Georgia, says that according to a few conducted studies, kids who date in middle school develop worse study skills, become more likely to explore with substance abuse, and are also more likely to drop out of high school (News Track 2), an opinion also supported by Trevor Butterworth, author of, “Wait Before You Date.” Butterworth explains that kids who date in middle school are four times as likely to drop out of high school than those who wait until later in life to date (Butterworth).

 

Any dating situation puts a lot of stress on people, regardless of age and the health of their relationship. In middle school kids are developing themselves and learning skills and habits that they will use for the rest of their lives. When you implement an unhealthy dating relationship, bad habits like these will create more and more problems for kids as they get older.

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Research has shown that depression increases the risk of substance abuse and bad study habits. Dr. Kara Joyner, Sociologist at Cornell University and Dr. J. Richard Udry, Director of the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, U.N.C. stated in a New York Times Article, that 12­14 year old girls that date have a higher chance of becoming depressed (Gallagher). Depressed teenage girls will sometimes pair off with boys up to three years older, often unsupervised. They become unable to withdraw from the bond , even if they are being abused. These kids need someone to talk to, and they resort to negative people that are not going to do any good for them, just to have a feeling of being cared about and appreciated.

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Mrs. Smith, a guidance counselor at Killingly Intermediate School, believes that teens can go into a tailspin if they shield their relationship from their parents.​“If it doesn't work, it's very

destructive. How many people do you see on social media that say they're going to injure themselves? When your heart is broken, it’s really deep and kids don't want to be around anyone, they go into depression, and keep putting themselves with the wrong person. It's really hard to show mutual respect for each other, to figure out how to treat that person differently with respect, honoring the person for who they are, not trying to make them someone else. A lot of kids have broken hearts, and parents have no idea what's going on. Or they get influenced to have sex with their boyfriends in 8th grade. They don't realize that they went way too far, it’s a high risk to become like that, to be sexually active. Medical things like early pregnancy can derail your life and change the rest of your life plans.”

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Middle schoolers don’t realize how much of a negative impact dating at this age can have on them. They only think about the present moment, not of all the bad choices they make and how it will impact their future.

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Positive aspects of dating can be overlooked due to the overwhelming negatives, but having a relationship is a learning experience, which can be very good for young adults.​ Dr. Marium Kaufman, is a professor at the University of Toronto Medical School, and author of “Overcoming Teen Depression.” He believes that dating can help educate teens. “Maybe it’s an educational­ part of their development. Maybe the more they learn about relationships, the better their future one will be.” (Gallagher). Students who have healthy relationship learn from them and can have better ones in the future. They figure out how to act around the opposite sex and can treat each other better.

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Middle school dating also has more benefits than just learning about each other. Kaufman also stated that young love can improve social skills, help kids find new interests like sports or hobbies, and take new risks causing them to look out for each other, making dating a really educational experience and important to development ( Gallagher). If kids didn’t date in middle school, they may miss out on special opportunities to enjoy different things and expand their horizons.

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Dave Veerman, author of, “Dating Dilemmas” explained that parents can make dating a comfortable and openly communicated part of thier child's life, by using group dates, co­ed events, and socializing with the opposite gender. Instead of teens being forced to open up to their parents about their relationships, parents can use techniques to have their child feel safe and comfortable telling their parents all about their relationships.

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Doing this can downplay the effect of teen dating on their child's lives. “Jet” the author of, “Teen Dating Tips for Parents,” agrees. He says that dating helps communication and decision making, skills that will become very important in future relationships, and marriage. Even choosing not to date can show a child's maturity beyond their years. 

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Middle school relationships can help kids a lot with their maturity, but an unhealthy relationship can have devastating effects on their future. It is up to the middle schooler's parents to decide whether or not their child is mature enough and ready for dating. If parents supervise a relationship and take an active role in making sure that everything is safe, it can really make a positive impact on those kids. Honestly, all relationships, even in middle school, are what you choose to make of it. You have to be willing to put in the time and effort, and still be able to not allow it to have an effect on the other aspects of your life. It’s your life and you get to make your own decisions, just make sure you choose the right one.